Thursday, March 23, 2006
HOW TO BE A VISUAL ART CRITIC IN MALAYSIA
A SERIALIZED GUIDE TO SKILLS YOU WILL NEED:
THIS WEEK'S SKILL : DESCRIPTION
To be able to describe a work of art in ten sentences or more is an essential skill for all prospective critics in this country. The ability to wax lyrical about the color blue, for example, or the 'sublime composition of visual elements within the rigid confines of the frame' will allow you to conveniently fill up oh-so-much column space, WITHOUT THE ACTUAL NEED TO THINK. You will still sound eloquent, as if you know what you are talking about, which of course, you don't. Amazingly, with a great deal of practice, you can even apply the Descriptive Tool to conceptual art, AND NOT SOUND STUPID. We suggest you take Duchamp's Urinal upon which to practice your descriptive faculties. Be sure to mention how lightly the urinal appears to sit there, exuding the aura of an everyday object, asserting its own right to existence, and how the artist asserts his right to bring it into existence. If you are having trouble with this skill, please keep this tip in mind: remember that the ordinary Malaysian mortal (i.e not yourself) cannot possibly see that an artwork is green, or red, or big, or small, or gestural, or... even, conceptual. When you are aware of the sheer visual dumbass-ness of your readers, you will realize that you must describe, describe, describe. It is your duty.
NEXT SOON (OR NEVER) : NON-OFFENSIVENESS
How to not have an opinion on anything but still be considered an important source of art criticism.
THIS WEEK'S SKILL : DESCRIPTION
To be able to describe a work of art in ten sentences or more is an essential skill for all prospective critics in this country. The ability to wax lyrical about the color blue, for example, or the 'sublime composition of visual elements within the rigid confines of the frame' will allow you to conveniently fill up oh-so-much column space, WITHOUT THE ACTUAL NEED TO THINK. You will still sound eloquent, as if you know what you are talking about, which of course, you don't. Amazingly, with a great deal of practice, you can even apply the Descriptive Tool to conceptual art, AND NOT SOUND STUPID. We suggest you take Duchamp's Urinal upon which to practice your descriptive faculties. Be sure to mention how lightly the urinal appears to sit there, exuding the aura of an everyday object, asserting its own right to existence, and how the artist asserts his right to bring it into existence. If you are having trouble with this skill, please keep this tip in mind: remember that the ordinary Malaysian mortal (i.e not yourself) cannot possibly see that an artwork is green, or red, or big, or small, or gestural, or... even, conceptual. When you are aware of the sheer visual dumbass-ness of your readers, you will realize that you must describe, describe, describe. It is your duty.
NEXT SOON (OR NEVER) : NON-OFFENSIVENESS
How to not have an opinion on anything but still be considered an important source of art criticism.
Labels: art, art writing
¶ 10:33 AM
Comments:
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I know. And I WILL be in the next one. I can feel it.
Sigh. I am just a tired and pissed-off little fishy. I need a swim in the ocean.
Sigh. I am just a tired and pissed-off little fishy. I need a swim in the ocean.
Why are you a fishy, Betta? Why huh huh? I don't feel for fish cos they don't blink.
Who will you review next? Will it be an angsty socialist-anarchist, an heroic self-righteous 2 x 2 painter, or a doodler of i-may-be-cute-but-i-bite characters?
L.
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Who will you review next? Will it be an angsty socialist-anarchist, an heroic self-righteous 2 x 2 painter, or a doodler of i-may-be-cute-but-i-bite characters?
L.
# posted by 
: 7:39 PM
: 7:39 PM<< Home
